August- oy vey! I am glad you are here. July was a rollercoaster of emotions to say the least. I'm sure glad that month is behind me now. Although July was a rough month for me, I must say that it not only made me stronger as a person but I learned a lot from it and although I can't change or re-write the past, I can certainly apply my experiences into the future.
Over the last two months I lost two friends of mine; Steve and Tam unexpectedly. On top of that I had a minor financial bump, family stress and a bit of a hostile work environment. But at the end of the day, that's life and sometimes you just have to roll with the punches.
Death is a very scary thing, and I, for one, don't deal very well with it. It puts everything into perspective and all that you thought mattered, you realize that it doesn't really matter at all. You are here one day and gone the next.
It was especially hard for me because it reminded me of losing my father when I was younger. It brought back to light all the suffering, struggling and emotions of his death. I remember how hard it was on my mother, brothers and sisters. I may have only been 5, but I remember it clear as day. It was rough. It also made me mature a lot faster than your average 5 year old boy. I became my mother's rock. Listening to her cry and looking at her wipe her tears off was hard for me, but I never let her see it. Instead, I opted out to be the happy chunky little boy she's always known me to be. The last thing I wanted mom to be was sad and hurt, so I took on the role of making sure she knew she had me…no matter what. I suppose that is why losing my friends hit me harder than ever. It brought me back to my past, which I thought I had gotten over. Guess not.
At this point there is nothing that I can do but move on. Holding onto the past is not healthy. It's time to let it go and I intend to do just that.
When I had a deep conversation with my mom, she also gave me some very good advice. I need to let my guard's down- like a lot! Growing up I have had many examples of what not to do and what the consequences can be. This applies in all aspects of life; romantically, financially and day to day life. The thing that I guard the most is my heart (naturally). I have seen many friends and family go through the pain of a heart break and it scares me. As I result I have sealed of my heart off with a bucket of titanium to prevent myself from the agony. I realize that I need to let it down a little bit and learn from my own experiences and not from everyone else's.
That's it….for now!
Much love,
George
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